Weather.com is reporting that my town will receive between 10-15 inches of snow. Since I’m besieged by snow, I thought that I would post some film recommendations to make your  shoveling, the general misery of the cold, and your bruised ass from slipping on the ice seem slightly more tolerable.

“The Thing”

John Carpenter’s 1982 paranoid masterpiece “The Thing” stars a grizzly Kurt Russell as a member of a scientific expedition team in the Antarctic. Besides battling sub-zero weather, the team has to contend with an unearthed alien organism that assumes the body and characteristics of any organism that it encounters.  Throughout the film, tensions mount and team members either become infected or increasingly suspicious of their teammates.  While being stuck inside with your family members/significant others/cell mates during the storm might be a living hell, at least take solace that they aren’t trying to overtake and replicate your very existence.

The Thing gets bonus points for having a pre-diabetes Wilford Brimley in the cast.

“The Last Winter”

A title that I want to come true for all future winters, Larry Fessenden’s eco-horror tale “The Last Winter” focuses on a mining company that is exploring  a virgin Northern Alaskan territory to drill for new oil supplies.  Ron Perlman plays Ed Pollack the manager of the KIC Corporation, a headstrong bull of a man who is hellbent on continuing the operation despite the looming portents of doom and climate shift. He continually comes into conflict with James Legros‘ character, James Hoffman, an environmentalist watchdog overseeing KIC’s drilling to ensure that they follow governmental standards.  Interpersonal turmoil starts to mount as the temperature steadily increases and a whole load of supernatural shit starts to go down. Surprisingly, this movie was not funded by Al Gore. And thankfully there is no Melissa Etheridge song on the soundtrack.  Just remember that pneumonia and your back creaking from shoveling tons of snow are reminders that the seasons are still following the natural order.

“The Empire Strikes Back”

At least you didn’t have to disembowel a Tauntaun and crawl inside it to stay warm.

“Dead Of Winter”

Arthur Penn’s 1987 thriller starts as a fun Hitchcockian homage that eventually degenerates into a ludicrous slasher during the climax.  “Dead Of Winter” is worth watching just for its references to Hitchcock’s incredibly large oeuvre. And hey, if you’re depressed because you’re snowbound at home  stuck reading a shitty blog for entertainment , at least be comforted that you’re not trapped  in the middle of a blackmail plot like the protagonist.

“Jack Frost”

Not the sentimental Michael Keaton vehicle of the same name, this Jack Frost follows the murderous exploits of the titular, homicidal snowman.  After finding a corpse dressed up as a Christmas tree, Deputy Pullman’s quote sums up the b-grade quality of the film, “You don’t reckon that we keep her up for the twelve days of Christmas, then?”

And I wouldn’t mind sharing a shower with Shannon Elizabeth, regardless of season.

“Fargo”

It is expected that Connecticut will get 10-15  inches of accumulation and North Dakota is getting nothing. What the fuck is with this shit?  Joel Coen’s 1996 Oscar Awards winner supposedly depicts a farcical version of the Midwest idiom perfectly, but I can’t say because I’ve never left the Eastern seaboard. But my travel issues notwithstanding, I can say that Joel Coen demonstrates a mastery of filmic techniques in this modern classic. For the few of you who haven’t seen it, Coen’s film revolves around a bungled ransom turned murder and a persistent, pregnant, small-town policewoman, played by Frances McDormand,  who stays on the trail of the crime.  If you’re stuck at home and you have a copy of “Fargo,” exit out of this blog now and go watch it.